podcast episode: dark night of the soul (Part 2)

Following on from our previous conversation in Episode 27, Fiona and I dive into shame. We begin with our understanding of the possible evolutionary purpose of shame, and how and when it becomes toxic and harmful. We talk about how shame “gets put on us”; how any kind of abuse is inherently shaming; and how we end up feeling the disowned shame of those who perpetrate shameful behaviour. We touch into the self-abandonment that comes when we’re shamed such that we feel there is something inherently wrong with us; feeling shame when the natural reaction to our circumstances would be anger; the layering or compounding of shame – including feeling shame for feeling shame; and how shame festers in isolation. 


 Amongst many other things, we also discuss how shame distorts the lens through which we see ourselves; being crippled with shame; and how it often dissipates “in togetherness.” We mention how the inner critic develops – in part – to avoid further shaming by being “good” and behaving according to the rules, and how in the dark night the rules “start to wash off.” Finally, we move into belonging to ourselves; gaining self-authority, dignity and trust in our own knowing; and giving shame “a seat at the table.”